Here in Canada FD’s deal with the family’s wants and needs as it pertains to the disposition of deceased, providing a location for the service and other related services, but for the actual Celebration of Life Service and how it is conducted, what it contains, who is going speak etc, that is left entirely to the Celebrant, I have never had a FD become involved with one of my services.

I have since moved on and set up my own business as a Funeral Consultant & Funeral Celebrant which I am trying to get off the ground.

I think the British way of Celebrancy may be a little more reserved than say the American or Australian. Not that a celebrant is subdued or reserved as such but because the British people are and when it comes to funerals, they are not (on the whole) “showy”. Ofcourse as a Funeral Celebrant (or Funeral Director) we take care of our families and deceased as they require, being mindful of personalities, character, emotions etc. I recently carried out a service whereby the family gave me very little information, no matter how I prompted them. In the end they even took out a lot of the information given which was in presentation form and the service read like a check list with the added official statements as necessary. In the end, this is what the family wanted.

In the UK, Funeral Dirctors do not introduce the celebrant or clergy. The Funeral Dirctor arrives at the graveside, crematorium or place of service. Assists the families out of the cars and oversee’s the coffin being removed from the hearse (if this is the case). At that point they step back. The Celebrant is then in charge of leading the service. It is only after the service that the FD assists the congregation in departing the chapel. At this point the Celebrant has stepped back, away from the family. The celebrant is still viewable for anyone who wishes to speak but not in the midst of the mourners. The celebrant only leaves once final conversations and goodbyes with immediate family. Once the family cars have departed and celebrant has thanked the FD and Bereavement staff, then they leave. Usually a time lapse of a few days passes before contacting family with a courtesy call, email and check all is ok.

I don’t know about other celebrants but I never go to the funeral tea afterwards. I am often asked but once I have said my goodbyes after the service my work there is complete.

It is interesting to see how other celebrants and Funeral Directors work especially in different countries.

Your article resonated with how I operate.Of the many topics I could discuss I want to highlight one pitfall that funeral celebrants must resist. It is the risk of becoming what I would term “a performance funeral celebrant”. This is when our ego gets so many positive strokes after a funeral ceremony that we get puffed up with pride in ourselves.

We need to be good at what we do but ALWAYS keep our full focus and attention on the family and the person that died – and away from ourselves and what great orators we are or wish we were.

After a funeral ceremony that I have helped to create and lead with the family I leave the chapel or other venue and stand a fair distance away. I do not stand at the door to shake hands. This prevents a line forming back into the chapel. I am not looking for “nice service” comments from people. I stand at a respectful distance away and am available if anyone wants to talk with me about anything. They often do. before I leave I will always go to the key family member to say goodbye, remind them I’ll send the presentation script in a few days and call them in a few weeks.

The paragraph above is just one of the behaviours that prevents me becoming a performance celebrant. If I was a priest I would behave differently although there are many performance priests too who need to keep their ego in check.