Comments on: Walker Posey Shares The REAL Reason Families Choose Direct Cremation

By: Joe

Joe — Fri, 04 Dec 2015 00:52:06 +0000

I don’t believe we will change anything by ‘educating’ our families about having a service. Most of what I hear dozens of times a year (and this will be dependent on your area demographics) is:
1) “The deceased wanted no services and I want to do exactly what they wished.”
2) “The deceased has no friends in the area and doesn’t speak to family so we aren’t having anything”
3) “We don’t believe in spending money on funerals so we are going to scatter and that’s it”
People are going to do what they want to do. End of discussion. Take for example the Catholic church recommending to its believers that ‘the body be present for the service and the cremation done afterward’ or ‘cremated remains must not be separated and not be scattered’. I can’t tell you the last time we did a cremation after a service and many Catholics ask me to separate cremains in to keepsakes.
Again, people will do what they want to do, especially these days.

By: Brad Apsey

Brad Apsey — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 15:10:43 +0000

You got that right, John Parker.

By: Tom

Tom — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 22:22:06 +0000

In my experience, families who choose “direct” cremation are not always foregoing a ceremony, a celebration of life, or other ritual. They’re simply not hiring the funeral firm and it’s personnel to perform those services. Here are two recent examples of families who hired the funeral firm for a direct cremation only:

1) With the guidance of a local “home funeral” group, the family kept the body at home for a two-day vigil during which friends and family honored the body, shared stories, food, and memories of the deceased, carried out simple rituals, sang songs, played favorite music, and read from selected texts (including her journal) of their deceased mother, grandmother, sister and friend. At the end, the funeral firm (which had advance notice and had secured the necessary paperwork) came for the body. The closest family members witnessed the start of the cremation process. The cremated remains were later scattered at a lake where the family had a summer cabin.

2) The family hired the funeral firm for a direct cremation. After retrieving the cremated remains, the family held an evening-before prayer vigil and visitation in their Catholic church, and a funeral Mass the next day, both with cremated remains present. Afterward, the remains were inurned in a cemetery columbarium. In all cases, one or another family member transported the urn. No funeral director was needed after the direct cremation took place.

Some families actually know what their after-death choices are because they’ve educated themselves, talked about it, and planned for it (though not necessary pre-paid for it).

So I don’t think it’s a matter of no service versus hiring the funeral director to conduct it. The author says: “We are the very best avenue to help them tell their loved one’s story.” Really?

The author says funeral directors should stop taking orders from families. On the contrary, I think it’s a wonderful development that families are educating themselves about their rights as funeral consumers and have stopped “taking orders” from funeral directors who for too long have told them what “Mom” would really want, and how viewing an embalmed body helps the grieving process, and how this vault will better protect the casket, and a host of other funeral industry-related talking points each with its own price tag. And that includes the latest buzz words – memorialization and personalization.

By: Brad Apsey

Brad Apsey — Sun, 31 May 2015 17:44:18 +0000

Why, have we never done a national TV campaign educating the public about the importance of funeral service. Why do we get articles like the one above, that is preaching to the choir? I know that, you know it, the public sure doesn’t, and they really don’t want to be bothered with the facts. Remember the Beef Growers Assoc., telling you “beef, it’s what’s for dinner”. Or the American Dental Assoc. telling you about dental care. Where is the NFDA, or your state assoc.?

By: John Parker

John Parker — Fri, 29 May 2015 00:58:42 +0000

I fear that North American funeral service is so resistant to change and too slow to respond to consumer demands that little will change any time soon. We were born of cabinet makers that learned to embalm. We are beholden to selling our widgets – be that a casket, urn, guestbook, upgraded cremation container, or other product. We are ensnared in the trap of manufacturers, and it has led to the commoditization of what we do. Even when merchandise is engraved or personalized, as Doug Mannig likes to say, it’s all just setting a stage that doesn’t matter one bit, if the show is horrible. Instead, we must focus on the thing of true value that we, not the internet, or some direct disposer can offer – an authentic, personal, healing experience. To really do this we need to evaluate the entire process of how we do everything. Taking a first call, making a removal with the family present, arrangement process, selection rooms, facilities, equipment, etc., etc., etc. The emphasis must be shifted from gathering information to building relationships. No more: “What’s your father’s name?” “Does he have cemetery property?” What church does he attend?” “Do we have permission to embalm?” We must shift to:: “Tell me more about your dad.” “Who were the most significant people in his life?” “What did they share in common, or do together?” This is going to be hard work. It’s much easier just to run down a list and fill in the blank information. I wonder if anyone in this discussion would leave a home call without even an attempt to discover if embalming was necessary or not. Build a relationship, build trust, through a first call and transfer, so that as you make suggestions at the arrangement conference, or explain the benefits of holding a public service, or viewing a body, you already have credibility with the family.

By: Jeff Harbeson

Jeff Harbeson — Thu, 28 May 2015 16:24:13 +0000

Walker:

Well defined thoughts and yes, I too believe that funeral professionals need to take the necessary steps of education to consumers. Unfortunately, anyone can make a few calls to funeral homes and find disappointment in the conversations that take place from funeral director to consumer. How is this solved? Training and intentional leadership…fact is that is a rarity in the funeral industry. #thefuneralcommander

By: Jeanne Staehli

Jeanne Staehli — Thu, 28 May 2015 15:31:50 +0000

As a member of the board of trustees of Oregon Memorial Association, I’d like to thank you for sharing your thoughts about the role of ceremony and ritual. Understanding ” that humans have an inherent desire and right to tell their loved one’s story and that a disposition method does not dictate that right” captures the lesson I learned from my husband’s death, but which I have been unable to put into words. Thank you for your words.

By: Anthony Kaniuk

Anthony Kaniuk — Thu, 28 May 2015 01:56:10 +0000

Absolutely! In the most recent Crematoria Business Report from Matthews Cremation Div. it amazes me that their tracking shows 72% of all cremations performed with Matthews equipment are in a cardboard container. Batesville’s stats are the same on cremation. That’s why they talk about the $40 million pillow. If the industry could just move families from the minimum cardboard container to a basic alternative (with a pillow), the industry would (conservatively) see an incremental $40 million! Now that’s significant!

By: Spencer Skorupski

Spencer Skorupski — Wed, 27 May 2015 23:29:31 +0000

I couldn’t have said it better myself! Preach it preach it!

By: Bob Arrington

Bob Arrington — Wed, 27 May 2015 14:26:33 +0000

GREAT COMMENTS!! PREACH ON!!!!